Feed from Heaven

The D day is knocking on the door and everyone seems to be extremely busy. Flights are booked, packing is almost done and schedules are packed. Shiva is trying to overcome last night’s hangover as he finds it hard to open his eyes. He curses Nandi for this situation. Nandi must have tried something new last night, that fellow is always ready to experiment with drinks by mixing something new to his ‘Bhang’ to create the ultimate ‘High’. Only ‘Bhang’ and Sura are allowed in heaven. Everything else is banned by the ‘Anti-Drinking Department’ headed by Saraswati who is into social awareness and better life movement.

Slowly Shiva turns to his laptop and tries to log into his Godbook account, which is heaven’s version of Facebook. After much effort, he is able to log in and tries to go through the updates. He loves Viswakarma for this new addition to heaven’s entertainment list. Shiva already has trillions of followers and his profile crosses a whooping hundred thousand trillion ‘Like’. His GB wall is full of wishes but he turns to his wife Durga’s update.

As usual it’s not the only one update from her, but a series. Shiva scrolls down and starts reading. ‘Breaking free from daily household works, time for shopping and dining,’  ‘So many invitations! My inbox is full. Viswakarma must fix this soon. I don’t want any promotional message, he must filter them as spam,’  the last one reads, ‘ Every year the crowd is getting bigger and press conferences are getting longer, don’t want to do  any personal interviews this time.’  Shiva smiles as he knows how difficult it is for Durga to maintain everything.  From administration, day to day activities, social activities to cooking, children’s education, her own research on women’s liberation and Shiva’s well being, she is everywhere. She deserves this break.

Laxmi’s posts are all about glamour and money. ‘Sensex is not doing well,’  ‘I want to buy a high end tab, NOW,’  ‘Planning my new beauty line and boutique , need some angel funding…anybody?…Kuber?,’ and the last one, ‘Do I need to conduct a poll to test my popularity?’ Shiva finishes reading with a three-minute laugh.

Suddenly, his personal message box pops up. It’s Vishnu. Shiva reads on, “Are you in shape? When are we meeting? It’s been months and I am all dry. I have imported something special for you, a rare old classic.” Shiva quickly replied, “Waiting for Durga’s vacation trip… will enjoy once she’s out with the children. We can also call Brahma.”  ‘Ok,’ Vishnu replies.

Now, it’s time to see Ganesh’s activity. As expected the wall is full of pictures of food, list of good restaurants, food joints, roadside stalls, and sweet shops. Two organisations requested him to become their chief guest during the inauguration of their newly established factories. Seeing so much of food, Shiva now feels hungry. On the other side of his bed there is a glass of milk, few specially baked cookies, ginger breads and fruits. He finishes off quickly and returns to his laptop.

Saraswati’s wall is full of music videos, latest hits, list of bands and latest publications. She is reading ‘Cultural Fusion and Hevenocracy – Inside Out by Shukracharya’. This daughter of his is always looking for more knowledge and comparative study. He always appreciates her energy and knowledge.

Technology makes Shiva’s job easier as keeping tab on the happenings around the universe is just a click away. He swings into action only in emergency situations. Like his son Kartik who is always on a tour to keep the peace of the Universe. His wall is full of latest peace developments around the universe, treaties and updates on arms development. But his latest is something different. He is looking for the ‘In’ things in fashion as he wants to spend his holidays in style.

Mention of the word ‘Style’ comes as a reminder for Shiva as his ‘Rudraksha’ is losing its shine. He quickly orders a new set of Rudraksha through H-Bay, the only online portal dealing with heavenly products. Everything set and done, he is now counting days for his party with Vishnu. After all it’s the return of bachelorhood, at least for few days. Shiva goes back to his sleep mode, again. Image

Bong On

Bengalis turning into ‘Bongs’ are aware of their identity or should I say crisis of it. Anyway, crisis or no crisis, male bongs are always at the receiving end. Not because I am a Bengali and representing the ‘Gentleman’ category that quintessentially holds all the characteristics of ‘Being Bengali,’ but it is the overall status of a situation, which you just can’t update on your facebook status.

People these days talk a lot about racial abuse, caste discrimination and so on but have you ever noticed the division between a Bangal and a Ghoti ? No, I am not talking about EastBengal, Mohunbagan rivalry. It is directed to all the husbands who either have a diplomatic ‘Ghoti’ bride or took the risk of marrying a ‘Bangal’ girl.

People, who have no idea about the words I am talking about, let me clarify the terms for them. Ghotis are self declared sons of the soil who take pride of their lazy attributes and broken heritage whereas  Bangals are proclaimed fighters who earned the reputation of excellent cook, Zamindar refugee who lost lands (read kingdom) during partition and dialect.

Although over the time, rivalry has been pacified but fights between these two species of Bengalis are still on.

Now, let me come to the Bengali husbands who are in a fix by marrying the species opposite to them. I mean they neither fix it nor get them fixed.  Love is fine until you are not tied for life. Once you did then serve the life sentence.

If you are a Bangal and married a Ghoti then you may well forget all the tastes from your mother’s kitchen. Ready to live on costly ‘Posto’ or Poppy seed and limited varieties of it like – Aloo Posto, Jhinge posto , Potol Posto ….As if there is nothing in life except posto. Ultimately it sounds like ‘Posh to’. Never ever forget her sweet attributes  as your extremely polite and sweet Ghoti wife will smoothly direct you to digest her sugar coated bitter pill. Eat it. Really, you must enjoy the extra ‘sweetness’ in your meal cooked by your ‘Ghoti’ wife.

Never cry for choices you have made. At least, your wife not always gives you goose bumps but on the contrary shares all the spicy news with you. So you ultimately have a spicy life.  Ghoti wife will invariably take you to family gatherings arranged by your in-laws, where you will be flooded with family gossips and show-offs. Well, her mission is accomplished.Now you are motivated to buy her jewelry or may be, a new car! Motivation is needed time to time to achieve our goal. So not bad at all.  Live life ‘King’ size.

From sweetness come to hot chili variant.. Bangal Bride and Ghoti Groom is a deadly combo. I mean groom will be dead if anything goes wrong, or against the wish of the bride.  No life sentence, no parole – only court marshal ! ‘ But you won’t die empty stomach. She will dish out new mouth watering platters every now and then, outsmarting five star chefs. But again, do not try her patience or anger. After all who wants to face a caged tigress? She prefers to be demanding over wanting. She will only direct you to do things in her way or walk alone on your way. If you match her expectations she will protect you no matter what. So no risk no gain.

Generally, Bengalis love the word ‘equality’ but there is one class system that exists in the Bengali society. Bongs are trying hard to get rid of it. But you know the truth. It takes thousand years for a giraffe to sustain by stretching her neck and making it long.  So long…

P.S – Survival of the fittest. To survive from any kind of adversity or sudden tsunami in your daily relationship that you are going through, just try to be your girlfriend/wife’s good book.  I know it’s hard. But as they say, Just do it.